How does one put into words joy that surpasses all understanding?
The joy of the world is fleeting- like a bite of cotton candy that dissolves on your tongue- gratifying, but gone as fast as it came. On the other hand, the joy of the Lord remains- being a mom for the first time, seeing your son come out of surgery, and watching as he opens his eyes only to give the biggest smile.
The past three days have been filled with hundreds of these bursts of joy- so much so that I haven’t known how to begin to describe all that my heart was taking in.
So here it goes…
The moment my sweet little Brody was lifted over the curtain of the operating table my heart stopped… there he finally was, my son. Wrinkly, lavender-colored Brody was passed to a nurse who cleaned and measured him- 7 pounds and 19.6 inches. I couldn’t believe he was 7 pounds exactly- 7 the Lord’s number, I was in awe.
Brody was taken away and I remained on the operating table to finish surgery, all the while playing over and over again in my head the short scene of getting to see my son for the first time.
A few hours later, I was rolled into his Nicu room on a gurney. Locking eyes on him this time I noticed that he had a sweet peach-tone to his skin. He was breathing softly, his chest rising and falling. THIS was my son. I couldn’t believe it. After months and months I was finally face to face with the boy who had stollen my heart.
Although I knew in my mind this was him, my heart felt as though I was meeting a stranger. The rowdy, kicking and rambunctious boy in my tummy was weak and hooked up to a million chords- not moving. This wasn’t the Brody I had known.
Seeing him so not like his normal self broke my heart, but I had to trust that in a week or so after his open heart surgery he would begin to turn the corner.
Little did I know… that the surgery would be less than 24 hours later…
With a quick kiss on the head, I said goodbye to my son as he was rolled down the hall for an 8 hour journey to save his life.
All day I was on edge, awaiting each hourly check-in from the nurses to hear his status. Later that afternoon my body gave me a break from the madness as I fell into a deep 3 hour sleep, only to wake up to Kyler telling me the surgery was complete.
“Already?!” I was in compete and utter shock. How could he be completely finished?
We joined friends and family and were let in to see our Brody Braveheart completely mended and whole for the first time. Looking down at him, I had such a huge wave of relief knowing that forever and always he would have a perfect heart.
Still to this moment, I am in absolute awe of the fact that within 48 hours Brody entered the world with his broken heart and now today is completely healed.
Seeing his improvement and watching him start to regain his own personality and interact with us has been the most fun and encouraging thing ever. I love it when he holds my finger, smiles, and looks into my eyes.
I am so looking forward to the milestones to come in the next couple of weeks: holding him, breast feeding, dressing him, and so much more.